I have not been on here in more than a year. This was due to some issues that I have had in life in the last 4 years. But to this I have the following to say in conclusion to the chapters of my life that have taken place and are now recorded in the carnal book of ones unchangeable past.

I was a long time a seeker of some of the darkest areas that this world had to offer. Delving into such things that no man is meant to delve into as they are those things that can lead one to be eternally damned. I was into things that at this point are between myself and God as I have done all that I can at this point to make immense and this is now done.

For the first year that started this whole line of events I had become homeless due to my own causation. I had left from someone that I had once been immensely infatuated with and was cast into the streets. Once this happened I was in a shelter known as Salvation Army. While here I met a very talented young lady that I took a special interest in. This was the one person that for years to come had unknowingly kept me in this world and not receding onto eternal darkness.

This is not to say that I was not in the wrong on many things as I was. In the beginning of this relationship with her I was as sincere as I could have ever been. However I later came to being warped and jaded in the things that I studied and experimented with. Things no person in this world should ever have to fall into. I was with out doubt seduced by the many demonic controls and empty promises of powers that I and no other person on this earth will ever be able to control.

With this corruption creating a deeper and deeper darkness in myself I started to become more selfish, manipulating, destructive and cold than anyone had ever thought possible. A child could have died at my feet begging for help at this point and all I would have done would be to sit there and admire the demise of the mortal body of the child with out a care for him in the world. I became more free roaming as well. Leaving the young lady that I was with at the moment just to corrupt and destroy others, though all the while attempting not to destroy her in the process. Though I failed and did cause major damage to the young lady the shear fact that I had enough left in me to not want to do so was a sign that there was still hope for myself and that I could still turn back and be saved.

I later had gone through plenty of females in my pleasure of seeing them hurt once I seduced them and then left leaving them upset and broken. But the tables were turned on me when there came one young lady that was more vile, more evil, more destructive, and more cold than even I was. Ironically this young lady, I shall call her X for reasons of privacy, but X was a old and close friend of the young lady that I had met in the shelter. X and I ended up together as a couple for near a year all the time struggling to keep one another at bay. This was the relation that ended up killing anything left inside that wanted to have power.

During this relationship I was constantly manipulated into submission of many kinds. I was physically altered in ways that took immense force to conceive. I was torn apart and the pieces were kept apart as never to be put back together.... If she could help it. The final break for myself was when we had become pregnant and she willingly and to my disapproval terminated the child. After this I became distant and hollow, I was shattered.

Through this whole process I had moved many times, in the end I was convinced to remove my presence from placed where X could not manipulate myself and where I could start to piece myself back together with the help of those many people around me that watched my fall and could do nothing about it.

During the initial time while I was removed from the surroundings that had once fostered my destruction I chose once again to attempt and mend my ties with the young lady from the shelter. At first I thought it was working, though I knew not all was correct in myself therefor did not realize any of my old habits while speaking with her. I chose to attempt and do all I could to become once again a part of her life. That's when she informed me that I was not to be a part of her life any longer. This was the worst and final blow that made me turn myself completely around.

I prayed, to who I did not know at the time, and frankly I was in no state to care I just needed help and a hand of guidance. I was lead, like a Shepard leading his sheep, into situations that I was not fully aware of, that I was slowly and surely being re molded. I came to know God through out all of this, I asked for forgiveness from not only the Lord but those I had once inflicted vile pain upon. Those that would respond for it though as there were still those that would not allow the contact needed for this, and worst of it was the main person who fit in the non contacted list was the young lady that I met in the shelter.

In the end the person that I had left from my infatuation with was placed back into my life. I was a broken vase only held back together by glue when she had found me once again. It was with her help that I was able to have the support needed to complete my transformation and it was with her that I made my decision to become baptized into the Christian faith. I was once infatuated with her, but now I had real sight of what she was in the beginning. She was the key that started the events that was required not only for my salvation but the testimonial that I give to you here and the start of the very events that have given me countless tools to help in others lives today. I had gone through the valley of death but I had no reason to fear evil because in the end God himself was with me every step, allowing me to survive though I would not face him directly or follow his calls. God himself was, is and will always be the one who gave the carpenter his tools and has kept this carpenter safe through out the process of his trials of obtaining the knowledge to use and create these tools.

Today I am proud to be a Christian and I will always tell you this if you ask. I am not ashamed to tell you my story though many would be, as my story is one of horror and fear that can be caused from the devil himself and all should know the truth of him. I will also give my advice to anyone who desires it and will share any thing that is needed even if it is of the most private essence in my life. I am happily married to a wonderful Christian woman and together we are a great team. As you may suspect the lady to which this story started, the one I had left from in the beginning, is now my wife and partner.

God has blessed me in more ways than I could have ever imagined and I thank and praise him for it. Though these blessings are not just for myself but for all to take part in. I am now in College in a multiple major program getting top grades. I got this due to a loophole in the financial aid system that if it were not for God I would have never found out about. I am working in the college as the Electronic Engineering Lab Assistant and am in this position now as I am writing this for you to read. I have a wonderful and supportive wife of whom works for an outstanding church in child care for unwed mothers so they can participate in Bible studies. As for myself I am now a owner of a partnership business in the PC service industry known as Otaku Ode.

To all this I owe God. For if it were not for Him protecting me and keeping me here I would not be the person I am today.

To the young lady I met in the shelter if you ever read this, I thank you for being part of my life and being by my side when I needed you the most. I apologize for all I have done and fondly wish that one day we see each other again in hopes that we can mend a friendship once again.

To those who were part of this saga in my life you know who you are, I thank you for all you have done for me. I was placed through this for a reason and I hope if you have not seen God that someday you will understand and start a relationship with him. I wish you more luck in life than I will ever have and I sincerely wish that no one will ever have to go through the darkness of the valley of death that I had to walk through to come to the point of salvation.

I love and cherish all in this world and wish the best to all and God bless.

Christopher Howard

ambedrake@gmail.com